"It was the eeriest thing I've ever felt. Ever!

"That first time. When we finally got to the hotel, alone... he played me. I was his exercise routine for the decathlon and he was mine! All mine! Let's just say he knew what he was doing and I knew what I wanted done and he did it. By nine o'clock every night. Like fucking clockwork. Get it? Fucking clockwork. Anyway..."

"Regina, you're hurting me," Celeste frowned.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, love. Really."

"Maybe you shouldn't hold my hand."

"Okay, doll, if you say so.

"But every time after that, whether I tried to hide it or not, at the peak, the finest point of my orgasm, he smiled. This time it was a more pleasant smile, and each time the smile got nicer.

"Then he started kissing me. His actual technique wasn't that great, he, well, he kept missing the target, if you know what I mean, slipping out of me, then fumbling his way back in. It was maddening, I tell you! Infuriating! Incredible!

"Then he started kissing me. And again, at that peak, he pulled away from my face and looked me in the eyes and his smile started to widen, his mouth would open, delight, sheer delight would wash over him as I had another little orgasm.

"Soon, his eyes were just locked with mine and he shoved me, stabbed me, found each and every one of my capacities and overloaded each. I was a fifty mile marathoner just through the ribbon, gasping for every breath, as if oxygen had vanished, I gulped as he kept stabbing me.

"I was coming in tiny sequences like farts, Celeste! I mean, that fast, that constant. This was no virgin! Or... I thought, maybe I'd died. This was heaven! He was heaven.

"And then he did it! He laughed, he ignored me and he laughed when my big, grand mall event was on the way. He just knew again and I could feel him feeling me as his every movement brought me closer to the brim, the absolute precipice of my orgasm. Almost there, I was almost there. "Then he stopped and said, "Would you like something to eat?"

"'Something to eat!'

"Something to eat!? No, I said, through clenched teeth. Don't stop, please, oh, please don't stop! You can't stop.

"God, Celeste, I'd beg him. Oh, he was still planted in me like a hoe! But oh, it was the most frustrating... especially when he would then turn me over and put it--oh--god--I--hated--it! Up there, up and back there! It was unnatural and smelly and humiliating. Oh and it was abominable and I knew I was hooked. It hurt like hell at first and then he became a machine. Whatever he did that was clumsy before was like music now. Only it was just the percussion section. Where he was gentle before he was now brutal and selfish and masterful and positively majestic. He grunted and rutted and pounded at my literally virgin tissues like I was just so much meat. Oh, I got my orgasm alright. But I had to work for it!

"And so, I called him again. But the line was disconnected. God! I wanted to scream. Okay, I screamed. But then he called me. The next day.

"It was the most frustrating, nagging, infuriating time because his every act seemed calculated to arouse me. The way he held his drink, tickling it with his fingers, licking away condensation with his tongue.

"How he talked.

"How he walked.

"How he breathed. All of it made me hot for him all the time. I was under his spell completely! And I had no idea how to get him back.

"I wanted to kill something. Something small, like ladybugs. I wanted revenge, for the humiliation, for his training me, making me his very own personal hole... and I had to have him again. Had to!

"I was sure I'd never see him but he showed up two nerve-shot days later asking for a job in the editing room.

"I proposed right there."

"Oh, it's so romantic!" Celeste sighed.

"But when the business went. He lost his steam. I don't know. Even without steam he was astonishing! The perfect lover, almost. Well, not quite, but enthusiasm carries a lot of weight with me.

"And, I don't know, babe if you can get this, but I had to have him!

"But he left me anyway. Work had become almost more important than my orgasms. And then, I don't know... we just drifted apart and he was gone.

"The Japanese really got to him."

"Oh, Gina, I'm sorry. I didn't know--"

"Quiet," Regina whispered.

Man: So, where's that big surprise you were going to show me?

Buddy: Isn't this enough?

Man: It's plenty! But it's no surprise. You kept it pointed in my direction all through dinner.

Buddy: And you certainly got an eyefull. Mouth watering all the time. Come on Kenner, stand right here.

Kenner: Where?

Buddy: Right here. That's better. Yes. Oh, definitely. Oh, yeah. I like that. But I do have something to show you. My company's latest innovation. I'll make millions. Trillions even!

"My millions! Mine! That fuck! Half of that new design is mine. I worked out the logarithms! I did the programming! Me! That shit stole it all!"

"You spilled the moo goo gai pan, Regina," Celeste sighed and got up to get a wet rag from the kitchen. "I don't give a shit--clean it up, will ya', doll? There's a good girl. Oh, yeah, they're gonna fuck now. Just about nine o'clock too. Got to before nine, don't you, you... pig!"

Buddy: Are you clean?

Kenner: Of course I'm clean. I've been clean all week, waiting for you to ask me over. I've been wanting to impress you for the longest time.--Damn! That's amazing!

Buddy: I didn't do it, Mother Nature did.

Kenner: Well, she did a great job. Oh? Who! Damn! Oh! Oh, wait! Careful! Ohhww! Please, go slow. Oh! Jesus! I see it but I don't believe it! Oh, God! I don't--please! Please be careful!

Buddy: Oh, relax. Computer, time please.