I counted eleven confirmed kills for my country.

Will you please look into something for me. My father and mother are worried about their taxes. They donít understand the ins and outs like I do as a vet. I have tried over and over to let them know about Grandma and the basement and sleeping next to her some nights. They wouldnít understand. For some reason they respect you. Please talk some reason into them before I have to put them in the basement too.

Sincerely,

C.C. Jenkins Esquire

PS: I know I didnít vote for you but I think you can help. Mother likes you a lot.

Always throw in Esquire or some shit like that. It sounds moreÖÖ.more professional.

Thatís what Grandma would have said. My fucking nose still itches!

The man with the dirty shoes is talking again. How rude! He is talking like Iím not even in the room and he is getting Grandmaís floor dirty!

Jesus Christ!! I think he knows what I did to Grandma! I wonder if the boy met Grandma in the basement? I bet it hurt when he fell down the stairs. One of the times Grandma pushed me down those stairs I got a sliver in my cheek. It nearly went into my eye. That hurt more than when Mother cut my feet with the turkey knife at Thanksgiving.

There was no way I was going to let Mother find Grandma in the basement. I cut her up real small and buried the parts in the old cistern. That was a muddy mess. Buried her all except her left ear. That was the best bookmark I ever made.

If Gore wins in November I need a plan. But thatís far enough off so I donít have to worry about it now. First I have to get this manís dirty shoes on the porch. The boy with the dog had dirty shoes too. WAIT!!! Did this man find the boys shoes on the porch next to Grandmaís and Motherís shoes?

That poor pooch. I really didnít mean to hurt him. But that boy was mean. It wasnít nearly as muddy in the cistern with the boy. Plus, he was small and much easier to work with. Like a supple little oven roaster (I crack me up sometimesÖan oven roaster!!!) Where did I leave his ear?

ďSir.Ē, I heard myself say, ďSir, your shoes must be removed and put on the porch.Ē

I always wanted to be a movie star. The man next door says I look like that redneck comedian guy. Jeff so-and-so. I saw him once on television. He is probably loaded. His shoes didnít look dirty.

I wonder if he voted for Mr. Clinton?

OH YEAH! His ear is drying in the linen closet upstairs! God, I was worried there for a moment.

I have Motherís ear in my pocket.

This man is very rude. Not only is he talking so I canít hear him, but he is ignoring my demands to remove his dirty shoes.

When I cut Grandma I was surprised how hard it was to get through the bones. I would have sworn she had a calcium deficiency but you wouldnít have guessed it from how long it took to saw through her leg. Funny thing is, her fingers cracked like the chicken wings I had last night. Momís legs gave me fits too!

That boy was like butter though.

I should check on his ear. It should almost be dry by now. Iíll hang it on the wall with the others.