Oh shit! Pulse racing, I crawl hurriedly behind the tipped couch. Joel's right beside me. A moment later I poke my head cautiously around the side. Spin Doctor throws open the front door, drops into a crouch, and levels the shotgun.

"DON'T SHOOT! DON'T SHOOT!" a voice shouts in sudden terror. "It's me, man! It's me!"

Tense endless seconds pass. The only sounds in this otherwise vacuum of silence are faint whimpers and tortured heavy breathing. Straining my neck, I glimpse Lee, rolled up in a ball with his knees drawn to his chest, rocking softly in a far corner. Finally, Spin Doctor rises, grasps the intruder by the collar and, in one motion, yanks him into the house and slams the door.

"About blew your head off!" Spin Doctor shouts.

"I told you I was coming!" the man says excitedly. "What—did you forget?"

"Man—I said call first!"

"Sorry, Doctor, sorry." He walks fully into the living room and takes a look at the scene left behind by the chaos. He wheezes aloud and then bursts into wild laughter.

I choke out a couple laughs myself, picturing exactly what he sees—the furnishings in uproar; Lee rocking and whimpering in the corner; the couch tipped over; and two frightened rabbits—Joel's head and mine poking out from behind the couch.

"Whoa, Doctor!" the man says when he's able to catch his breath. "Paranoia will destroy ya'! It looks like you've been seeing Meth Monsters again."

Spin Doctor's face reddens. "You're one to talk, Vampire!" he spits.

Lee snickers at this. He's back to reality now and solidly on his feet. It's the man's turn to grow angry. He growls, "That's not funny. I thought we agreed to forget about it."

"Yeah—well that was before you said I was seeing Meth Monsters." Spin Doctor motions to our hiding place behind the couch. "Mylan, Joel—this is Vampire." He continues, "We call him that 'cause he was tweaking so hard one time, been up for days," he's struggling not to laugh as he relates, "that after watching one of those vampire movies he thought he was one, too. Built himself a coffin out of a dog house and kitchen chairs. He wouldn't come out for hours. Said the sun would fry his brains."

"All right, all right! Can we forget about it now?" Vampire says as one of his arms twitches. He doesn't wait for anyone to respond. "I just left a killer rave. Lots of girls, lots of dope. I swung by to see if you wanted to come." Glancing at Lee, his eyes widen. "Lee! Bro! Long time no see! Didn't recognize you! Are you tweaking?"

Does every crank addict ask another if they're tweaking?

A three-way conversation blazes. I don't even try to pay attention. They're talking way too fast.

Breaking away excitedly a few seconds later, Vampire leaps up and down in front Joel and me. With wide eyes, he's stammering, "Beverly Hills! You guys are on Beverly Hills! Yeah, yeah! I've heard of your show. It's good, it's good. Though I've never actually seen it. TV broke after I tried to fix it. . .Good looking babes!" He grabs Lee by the shoulders. "I knew you could do it! Must be a famous actor now! Killer! . . .And these are your actor friends. . .9-0-2-1-0. . .Killer!"

And now I notice that a pair of shiny handcuffs dangle from one of Vampire's wrists.