Suddenly, in a puff of naive smoke, Candi found herself garbed in a leather and rubber outfit. In her hand was a whip, and beside her lay a collection of sexual instruments that would make even the most demented Freshman cringe (or quiver with excitement).

Thus it was Woman who first defiled the world. It was Woman that first created sin, which explains why women are cursed with their `little problems' and men are free to be completely irresponsible. Evil, vile, terrible...and yet amazingly attractive Woman went unto Dick and said:

“So, Dick...” she stressed his name in a way the Dickman had never heard before. But he understood.

Dick stopped in his tracks (he was collecting rocks with the idea of building an outdoor fireplace) and took in the lovely image before him. He stared at the remarkably transformed Candi. “You gone lesbian or something?” he asked.

She smiled, then pursed her lips and winked. “Dickman, I think I’ve been naughty. I think I need a spanking.”

Dick dropped the rocks he had been holding, sweat breaking out all over his body as he took in the skin, leather, rubber and chains of the New Candi. “BOBdamn, bitch, I’ll spank you all night…” he took a step forward, but she stopped him with her whip.

“Do you really want me?” Candi purred.

The Dickman smiled, enjoying this little game. He leaned in as close as Candi would let him “I want to do you so hard that your grandmother has an orgasm.”

Candi grew red with rage at the mention of her enfeebled grandmother (whom Dick had molested once before) and balled up her delicate fist.

Dick, seeing the immediate danger, was quick to stand up and confront her, “Look you red-headed psycho-bitch! What the-”

Candi lunged at Dick. In a marvellous fight that Arabian countries would never witness, Candi attacked and suppressed Dick, and then she had her wicked ways with him.

(Unidentified pilot, you are in a no-fly zone, baby.)

Dick cried `rape', but that hardly matters when a guy says it. Oh no. It was too late anyway - he couldn't yell for long because his face was soon buried in the red heaven of Candi's sweet, peppermint-flavoured –

(Pornography? In the holy book of BOB? Surrender your tank!)

And so Woman corrupted Man with her perverse, yet somehow intoxicating, sexual deeds. Thus BOB decided to banish them from the garden and force them to live in a cave and work for the government. And BOB also disconnected their cable, so great was his wrath!

“Well, cable's outmoded anyway.” BOB said in a recent interview. “I mean, the whole she-bang's gonna be replaced by satellite and fiber-optics and crap like that in five years so why worry? Besides, I gave them a membership to the local video store. How could I deny that sweet little red-headed bitch?”

“But cable TV was the only thing that kept them sane, O BOB.” The interviewer pointed out.