Dating (n) : the act of courting for purposes of establishing marital relations

Dating is one of the greatest mysteries of man, and in some instances, it's a wonder that man has been able to carry on through the millenia. Dating is complex, challenging, daunting, and even frightnening. There are many forces at work in the dating arena - forces that tug and twist and pull at each other - emotions, instincts, logic, social environs - and they conflict in a war, making the act of dating sometimes a nightmare. In the early days of man, regarding dating, it wasn't always so. To the early caveman, dating was as natural as eating or pissing:

So DATING, as a concept in the evolution of humans, has been around since the dawn of time. Sure, things like drive-in movie theaters, strolls on the beach, and carnivals haven't, but to-do activities existed in some way or another. In the early days of the caveman, popular dating activities included the "Tree Climb", the "River Swim", and "The Firewalk". If the cavewoman went away happy, the dating experience was successful for the caveman. But if the cavewoman had a bad experience - say she fell off the tree, or got attacked by ancient freshwater sharks, or tripped and fell into the fire, the dating experience was definitely a negative date.

And so dating evolved over time to become more civilized. Dating for the ancient Romans was a trip to the bathhouse to party with ancient swingers. Dating for the Nordic Vikings was a trip to a neighboring village and the pillage and forceful taking of the fair maidens. For the American Indian, dating was a simple walk to the Tee-Pee far off on the hill. And for the Knights of the Round Table, dating was the slaying of a mythical beast and the rescue of a daughter of royalty.

The golden years of dating were anytime between 1960 and 1990, when woman were more free spirited, things like HIV and venereal disease were not common, and a guy could pretty much say and do whatever he wanted in a macho sort of way. Swingers groups were popular, pimps and hustlers worked the streets, and rock and roll made it popular to party and pick up women to start dating. This is the period that made drive-in movie theaters popular dating locations. Ah, the drive-in movie... It didn't matter what was showing, because when you went to the drive in, you went to pretty much have sex, and when the windows would get steamed up you couldn't see what was playing anyway. Camping was a popular dating experience also. You and your friends would get together with your girlfriends, drive up to the mountains, pitch your tents, and then go to town, dating just like cavemen.

Where does dating lead? Dating has four stages: They are as follows in respective chronological order: "goin' steady", marriage, meeting the in-laws, and having kids. Of the four, the first stage - "goin' steady" - is the funnest. In this first stage of dating, both partners aren't worried about paying bills, picking up the kids, dealing with the in-laws, buying groceries, taking out the garbage, etc - the things that typically go with starting and raising a family. Early on, the relationship aspect of the dating experience is more on a whim, wild, and sometimes out of control. The sex is the best and the parties are the greatest. In fact, here's an excerpt from another dating satire on www.3ampublishing.com:

Singles and Personals have been around since the late sixties, starting with "Pimp the Hustler: Personals, Singles, and Matchmaking Services." Many celebrities graduated from this dating school, learning what it takes to meet women and How to be a Player. Popular celebrities include Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio, and even Tommy Lee of Motley Crue. In fact, Tommy Lee credits his relationship to all his women to the player tricks and the player ways that he learned his second year at "Pimp the Hustler: Personals, Singles, and Matchmaking Services." Says Tommy Lee:

"I was going to singles clubs and reading personals and even partying with swingers, but then one day in How to be a Player class I learned the Players Rules, and how to be a pimp and pimp women. Suddenly, I'm like sleeping with all these women, women who wouldn't even give me the time of day before because I was a butt-rocker. These women were bombshells! Then one night after a swingers party I went to a night club and met a girl who saw me getting hit on by another girl, which was funny because this other girl was only nineteen years old at the time... I'm 62. Man, it must have been that funky cold medina I was drinkin'... Singles, Singles, Singles - trust the words of a famous butt-rocker: Singles buy the ebook How to Pick Up Women, 2000."

What will the future bring to the act of dating? How about trips to the Moon or trips to Mars? How about rides in convertibles that fly? Now that would be a great dating experience - wouldn't you say?

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